Navy Wife Stories – Nine Bachelors, Sixty Eggs, and The Wife

Looking back on life one often finds that recollecting the most trying circumstances, bring the most smiles to one’s face. The Wife and I, both retired now, were reminiscing on our life in the fauj one day. However, while I have written about MY life in the Navy (with The Wife figuring prominently in many of them), I found that The Wife’s recollections have been given short shrift. The following then, are two of many Navy wife stories.

“Many Navy Wife stories revolve around accommodation and mine are not different. We got married in August 1990 and off I was to the Maximum City, Mayanagri, Bombay, after a few months, to join my newly minted husband; stars and visions of romance in my eyes.

The First Shock

Only to get a shock a day before I left my hometown, Hyderabad. I got a ‘trunk call’ from Rakesh. After murmuring a few sweet nothings about how he was looking forward to seeing me, and how much he missed me, he quietly slipped in a ‘sutli’ bomb.

‘Just a minor thing has come up. My ship is going sailing for about ten days’. But not to worry, a coursemate of mine, Lt SCV (later to become an Admiral), will receive you and ‘arrange’ your stay.’

And before I could express even a small fraction of the liveliest of apprehensions flooding my mind, the ‘three minutes’ were up and the phone got disconnected.

I reached VT station (now CST), my heart palpitating like a cat’s would in a room full of Dobermans. I sighted a handsome and trim looking man who, with his ‘muftis’ and haircut, just ‘looked’ like a naval officer. I approached him apprehensively. Thankfully he was indeed Lt SCV. He beamed and welcomed me to Bombay. Till he sighted my luggage.  He looked at it warily. (I admit, it comprised many suitcases). Nevertheless, he arranged for two ‘coolies’ and donned the mantle of the third by picking up the left overs himself. By the time we reached the taxi stand he was no longer handsome, just sweaty.

We needed to hire two taxis to accommodate all my luggage. The taxis reached the Naval residential area and stopped in front of a house. Not mine though.

The house belonged to another shipmate of my husband who too was away. The shipmate’s wife welcomed me warmly. She was hospitality personified and her calm demeanour seemed to suggest that this was just another day in the Navy. The apprehensions in my mind got livelier.

The Second Shock

Rakesh arrived ten days later and we finally set out for OUR ‘home’, which was in a building on Marine Drive. Though I was new to Mumbai, I was aware that Marine Drive was the ‘poshest’ location in Mumbai and as we passed the sea front, my spirits started soaring skywards on sighting all the magnificent art deco buildings that populated the area. I noticed however, that there was one rather ramshackle looking one marring the scenery – one which looked like it was built during Ashoka’s time and was allergic to paint. ‘God’ I said to myself, ‘I hope this was not our building.’

It was! We unloaded out stuff. The lift of course was not working.  So we trudged to the third floor (three times, suitcases in hand). I was sweating profusely. And cross. And damning marriage. And the Navy – with considerable vim and feeling. Rakesh meanwhile continued to look sheepish leaving me with a premonition that the worst was not yet over.

The House

And I was right. We stepped into the house. The hall was large and spacious. It even had an attached bathroom with a large tub and a small kitchenette. And though the maintenance of the house left a lot to be desired, I started feeling better. Till I noticed that the entire house seemed to be just that one hall. I asked Rakesh about the other rooms. His sheepishness went up a notch. For, the kitchen believe it or not, was across the corridor! And the bedroom, though on the same side, had no connecting door. One had to step out into the corridor again to access the bedroom!!

Rakesh has written about this house earlier and additional details can be found here, so I wont dwell on the issue further.

We got down to settling in, which took the most of the remaining day and the next. By the evening of the next day we had ‘sort of’ settled the house and were both tending towards the cheerful. Till the second Navy Wife stories, centred on coursemates, started.

Yet Another Shock

So here I was, a wee bit tired, a wee bit spider web festooned and a wee bit unkempt.  And then the bell rang. At about 7:30 pm. We opened the door to find nine of Rakesh’s  goofy coursemates standing there. All bachelors, all noisy, all hungry, all demanding food. Apparently, I was to learn later, that such ‘bouncing’ was quite normal in the Navy, where friends drop in unannounced for dinner. Also apparently, it was great fun. I found nothing funny about it.

We had nothing to offer, what with our kitchen still not fully set up. ‘Leave it to me’ said one of the bouncers, and off he went to get the requisite ingredients for dinner. The others in the meantime helped themselves to drinks (also brought by them) in whatever containers they could lay their hands on, plastic bathroom mugs included. The one who had gone shopping returned within 30 minutes with some soft drinks, salt, onions, mirchi, peanuts, some coffee powder/sugar/milk. And 21 loaves of bread plus 60 eggs.

The Meal

The bachelors (PG Wodehouse would call them sons of bachelors), then got down to their drinks. I must admit, they did not let me move an inch and they insisted on treating me like a queen. I too was plied with OM and Coke and I wouldn’t be lying if I said that I had started enjoying the evening for the first time. More so because, most of the conversation centred around stories about Rakesh, his foolish misadventures during the cadet days and his dope acts. Rakesh did try to introduce other topics. Unsuccessfully.

At about 11:45 pm, the bouncers decided that it was time for dinner. Again, insisting that I need not move a muscle, five of them went into the 7 ft X 4 ft kitchenette to prepare a dinner of egg burji and bread. But the commotion in the kitchenette forced me to investigate. I peeped into the kitchenette to witness the aftermath of a particularly nasty tornado. There were more eggs and salt and onions on the floor and counter top than in the saucepan. I shooed all of them out, save two assistants. I then used my very rudimentary skills at cooking and got the burji and toasts ready for ‘dinner’. Even to my eye, the fare looked unpalatable.

However, the bouncers wolfed it all down with great relish and to much Ooohs and Aaahs. (To my great surprise I found that almost all bread and eggs were over. Some appetite, eh?)  I think I got more compliments that day than I had gathered over the past 23 years of my life. Accordingly, I rechristened the bouncers as gentlemen.

Dinner was over by about 0100 hrs. And that is when the gentlemen decided that they needed coffee. ‘Beat’ coffee is apparently the thing in the Navy. One of them got up and brought a 5 litre Prestige cooker from the kitchenette and started ‘beating’ a cup worth of coffee and sugar in it. Another in the meantime put water to boil. Ultimately, the coffee was ready and unexpectedly tasty.

The Goodbyes

Finally, the coffee was over by about 0230 hrs and the somewhat sozzled gentlemen all got together and cleared/cleaned all utensils/tableware and settled the house. They decided to call it a day thereafter, but not before warning me, that I could expect such ‘bouncing’ on a fairly regular basis. The goodbyes were a somewhat incoherent and tipsy dose of thank-yous and what-an-excellent-dinner, compliments on my ‘excellent cooking skills’, some good words on my poise and elegance and beauty, etc. Needless to say I was pleased.

Epilogue

And that was my introduction to the Navy. I of course did, as promised, encounter many more such ‘bouncings’. But now that I understood that I could put the bouncers to cook and clean, I gradually started looking forward to such impromptu sessions of songs, laughter, Pictionary and Dumb Charades. My cooking improved too!

I’ll come back to some more Navy Wife stories some other day.”

And finally dear Reader, if reading this made you smile, please forward it to two friends who take life too seriously.