What is the greatest equaliser? Try Naval life!

Having just been promoted to Captain in the Navy, I was called to Naval Headquarters, New Delhi for some work. Ordinarily, an official move such as this should be a smooth affair, with vehicle and accommodation being arranged by the Navy. Equally ordinarily however, the vehicle remains elusive.   But surprise, surprise…. There was indeed a brand-new Indigo with a white liveried chauffeur waiting for me at the Delhi Airport, leaving me rubbing my eyes in disbelief! (Yes, Indigo was a big thing in 2008 having just replaced the venerable Ambassador). Pleasantly surprised, I asked the driver whether he would be with me throughout the seven days. When he replied in the affirmative, my happiness moved further northwards. I quickly surmised (incorrectly as I learnt later) that there was indeed a significant difference between how the Navy treats a Commander (fourth lowest rank) versus a Captain (fifth lowest). Swelling not just a little bit with pride I settled down for the short ride to the officer’s mess. On reaching there I asked the driver to come by 0815 hrs next morning as my first appointment was at 0900 hrs.

Still full of self importance, I strode up to the reception and asked them for my cabin keys. (I may have even looked down the nose with hauteur.) The reception promptly directed me to cabin so-and-so. When I asked for the key, I was assured that the cabin would be open. Still in a mellow mood with the effects of the brand-new car on the one hand and my new found seniority on the other, I sort of danced/shimmied my way to the indicated cabin. And yes, the receptionist was on the button – the cabin was open.

Oozing confidence, I yanked the door open. It was then that the first equaliser hit me with a bang. Some would philosophise that what goes up must come down and into everyone’s life some rain must fall. For, I was surprised, nonplussed, dejected, all at the same time. To my utter consternation, the room was already occupied by an apparition in a bright floral lungi and a red sleeveless vest. After rubbing my eyes in disbelief for the second time, I trudged back to the reception, this time with the dance/shimmy being largely absent and told them in my most stentorian voice – “Where have you sent me. There is already someone staying there”.  The reception was not a wee bit impressed and replied without so much as a sorry – “Haan Sir, aapko share karna hai” (You need to share). Which brought me down to not just a Commander’s level, but rather to that of a Lieutenant (second juniormost rank)’. I tried reasoning with him, but soon realised that there was not much point in talking to him; he was after all just following orders. I took the mess secretary’s number from the reception and gave him a call. He gave me some spiel about some cabins under renovation, and some sudden influx due to a Conference. To the point however, he told me he could only investigate the issue the next morning. So I resigned myself to a night with the bright floral lungi.

By the way, the bright floral lungi turned out to be quite an amiable Malayalee who welcomed me warmly. The warmth however, did not ease my discomfort greatly, because those of you who have stayed in the officer’s mess at Delhi will know that the rooms, whatever their other merits may be, cannot boast of spaciousness. They were so small that the two beds could not be separated. So, unless the two concerned individuals are an amorous couple, which me and the lungi weren’t, cohabiting in the room would be awkward. Fortunately, like all mess cabins this one too comprised two rooms, a sit out and a bedroom. Not being an amorous couple, we deemed it prudent to shift one bed to the sit out area. This done, I finally felt a bit comfortable. I mean from a scale of 1 (out of ten) I moved upwards to 1.2 (again out of ten).

Be that as it may, the next morning saw me up early to make my appointment on time. Had a hearty and excellent breakfast that all our messes provide and went forth to look for my brand new Indigo. 0815 hrs  – no car. Got worried. 0830 hrs – no car. I dare say the worry started morphing into panic and the confidence of the new Captain started evaporating quite quickly. I called the vehicle guys who told me,  –‘Sir, your vehicle left at 0700 hrs, just look around, it must be there somewhere”. Getting a bit frantic now and with the time approaching 0845h I spied my room helper. Out of desperation I asked him if he had seen any car/driver looking for me. Helper replied, “Sir, your vehicle has been here since 0715 hrs”, and he pointed me to the…….. second equaliser!

Rubbed my eyes, in what was now becoming a habit, for the third time. Cause there stood a strange contraption. Now describing this car accurately needs some linguistic dexterity, but let me try….. You know when one sends a car for denting/painting they first apply the chocolate brown primer and then the white final coat?  Well this errant car had sneaked out of the garage after the primer had been half applied.  The bonnet, and both side doors were brown.  The rest of the car, I could discern was once white. The seat covers were I think, purchased in 1956 and presumably had never made acquaintance with a vacuum cleaner/duster. The floor was evenly corroded and the ground could be seen through the various holes.

It would suffice to say that the car had nothing but four tyres and (thank heavens) a steering wheel. The driver, a jovial Jat, perhaps aware of the adverse first reaction that the car could evoke, had over compensated by adding a lot of colour to the dashboard; it was festooned with assorted gods and goddesses and some plastic flowers. As a final flourish, he had also proudly embossed ‘pappu’ and ‘chunni’ on the rear windshield. And that, gentlemen, was my car for the next seven days. Stepping out of the car in full uniform was for me a touch embarrassing, but then, I can take the rough with the smooth.

There was a sliver of a silver lining though. The driver, recognising me as a fellow Jat, gave me a lot of fraternal love and took me to all corners of Delhi quite willingly and cheerfully. He also brought me up to speed on the peculiarities of various Admirals at Naval HQs as well as the latest political happenings of Delhi. Must say he was a surprisingly aware fellow. While it would be a stretch to say some bromance bloomed, I quite got to quite like him over the period of seven days.