Military Chronicles. You think jumping is easy? Think again!

I had made a passing mention of jumping from the 7 m board
into a swimming pool in
an earlier post here. Well, this post aims to delve deeper into this life
altering experience at the National Defence Academy (NDA).To recap – The swimming test at NDA has two phases; swimming
50 m and jumping from the 7m board. Failure in either results in relegation
and/or withdrawal. The great Sam Manekshaw has been quoted as saying, “Anyone
who says that he has never been afraid, is either a liar or a Gurkha”. Most
cadets being neither liars for the most part, nor Gurkhas, exhibit fear in full
and I guess, the aim of the 7m jump is to get cadets to overcome this very fear.
Now one would think that 7m is not all that high, but let me assure you that the
pool looks mighty small from that height. So much so that it appears probable
that one may land outside the pool should one jump! Come the fateful day of the test and a cadet has to trudge
up the steps to the 7m board’s edge – take a step off and land in a perfect
vertical profile, arms by the side and legs together, into the water below.
Seems simple enough. However, one can see his mental countenance change to
extreme reluctance with each step upwards. Once he reaches the 7m board, his wobbly
legs start displaying a mind of their own and the following ensues:-Cadet freezes at the near end of the board, quite unwilling
to take the final 4-5 steps towards the ledge edge.The Instructor below start cooing to him to move forward,
but the cadet remains immune to this exhibition of love.The cooing starts morphing into sterner words and then
outright threats but the cadet by now has pulled his ears back to mimic a particularly
stubborn mule.Instructor threatens to climb up the steps himself. This makes
the cadet muster his spirits, take deep breaths and after what seems like
eternity take a step forward, then another…… only to recollect that discretion
is the better part of valour; and hence reincarnates himself as the
aforementioned mule.The Instructor starts climbing the steps. The cadet panics, and
in synchronisation, starts climbing down. Both meet at the halfway mark and one
can sense general disagreement between the two on the meaning of life.
Ultimately however, the Instructor, with the help of generous prods on the cadet’s
backside, forces the latter back up.Both reach the top and the Instructor recommences
threatening/cajoling/entreating. Soon cadet finds himself, (quite unwillingly),
at the edge. Makes the fatal error of looking down, doesn’t like what he sees
in the least bit and makes to turn around again; only to bump into the
Instructor. Cadet realises that the only way down now, is via a short flight.Cadet, standing on the edge, moves one foot forward into
thin air and pauses hesitantly for a few seconds. Sundry voices of other
Instructors and officers below join the chorus in urging him to take the second
step. This unnerves the cadet just as he was about to jump and is forced to
abort by that strange action of whirling his arms clock/counterclockwise to
regain his equilibrium. Perhaps with the intention of reducing the height of
the fall he sits down on his haunches. Instructor hauls him up to his feet
again. Cadet again takes one step forward, hesitates, withdraws his leg, tries
to lead with the other leg. This continues for about five minutes with a 100
pair of eyes below, staring intently at the mesmerising drama above.
Ultimately, the Instructor, (being only human) loses patience and gives cadet a
friendly shove. Cadet flies off the edge in a wild flurry of windmilling arms
and legs. This spectacle unnerves the remaining cadets waiting for their turn
and a mad scramble starts to reposition themselves at the end of the line.Now did I tell you that the jump has to be in a perfect
vertical profile? Well windmilling arms and legs are a no go.  Consequently, cadet hits water, only to hear those
mind-numbing words, “Failed. Repeat.” Of course there are those cadets who change their minds even
after both legs have left the ledge. These cadets exhibit amazing gymnastic
ability that Nadia Comaneci, should she have been there, would have taken note
of. They, turn around mid-air and grasp the ledge with their hands; legs and
body dangling in thin air. However, ultimately, the strength in the arms gives
in to the tyranny of gravity. End result – “Failed. Repeat.”Then occasionally a cadet, just a fraction
before he jumps, and already off balance, suddenly starts reassessing his life
choices. He flails, but his flailing hands meet only the Instructor’s limb; so
he latches onto it – doobte ko tinke ka sahara. This causes the latter too, to
stumble forward. Gravity yet again, does the rest. Both fall together in an uncoordinated
cascade of arms and legs. You can guess the end result – “Failed. Repeat.”Now one may well ask, “What is up with this perfect vertical
profile that Instructors seek?” I am sure the Instructors have their own vague
reasons, but to my astute mind, maintaining a perfect vertical profile has certain
practical advantages. For one, falling horizontally is painful. Water while
obviously liquid, can feel disconcertingly like concrete when one falls onto it
horizontally from 7m. Many a cadet surface winded and battered post a mighty horizontal
splash. Secondly, it is best to keep one’s legs together for another
reason of supreme importance. If Darwin had been alive I would have surely
liked to ask him about his opinion on why males of the human species have
evolved in a manner that the two awfully pain sensitive orbs have been left
dangling in a manner where they are, as if, asking for it. Not maintaining a
perfect vertical profile (with legs together) causes an excruciating sensation
around the general area where prudent cricketers wear the peculiarly termed
‘abdomen guards’, when one hits the water. Now of course one has heard women
state that this pain is nothing compared to childbirth. But while women are
ready to go through childbirth a second/third time, happily and willingly, have
you ever come across a man (happily and willingly) ready for a repeat
performance? So there.These cadets hobble out of the pool hands tenderly cupping
their intimates, their faces showing clearly, their general disenchantment with
life. If there was an advert for the unhappiest persons on earth, these cadets
would be a shoo in for the lead role. A good laugh by everyone else only adds
insult to the injury. End result? “Failed. Repeat.” Having transited via hell and
not liking the experience one bit, these cadets keep their legs together as if
fevicol ‘ed’ the next time.Lastly, a body falling from 7m at 9.8 metres per second
squared takes but a minuscule amount of time before it hits the water. I don’t
know how it is, but just as people say that your entire life flashes before
your eyes in slow motion during a near death experience, so is the case with
the 7m jump. The one second it takes you to travel 7m seems like eternity. So
while you may be ramrod straight mid flight, this eternity often makes one try
and sneak a peek at the waters below by tilting the head downwards. Eternity on
the other hand, sadistically, chooses this very moment to end itself. Splat
goes the face on the water. The resultant embitterment with life is often
accompanied by nose bleeds too. And of course, “Failed. Repeat.”Please allow me to end by rephrasing Roosevelt – “The only
thing that one has to fear is fear itself, and 7m jumps.”