If one is looking for logic, the Armed Forces is not the place to seek it. Take for example, the system of privileges that seniority bestows. Within the Squadrons (hostels) at the National Defence Academy (NDA), there are marked (some would say silly) differences in how one dresses, even in nightclothes. Second termers for example need the vest, kurta, pyjamas and a dressing gown; even for a quick nip to the bathroom. You become a third termer and you can discard the kurta, but a vest remains mandatory. Fourth termers can discard the vest too, and in addition can substitute the pyjamas with lungis. Fifth termers can exercise even more laxity in the dress code, and are allowed, like a sexy siren to coyly flash flesh via a billowing gown. And finally the kings, the sixth termers. They can well, roam around in whatever they feel fits their sartorial style.
These privileges are taken very seriously. A fifth termer CAN technically wear a kurta and pyjamas, and is well advised to do so, say in winters. But will he? Nope. He can’t forgo his hard-earned privilege you see; so what if he can’t feel his nethers in the cold!
So is the case with swimming where even a smidgen of logic is frowned upon. Swimming is mandatory, and all cadets have to clear the swimming test; comprising a minimum of 50 metres of swimming and a jump from a height of seven metres into the pool. Failure results in relegation of cadets and/or even withdrawal.
Google tells me that most mammals can swim. It is also believed that every new born human child has a natural ability to float. However, other homo sapiens in the shape of doting parents engender a fear of water and kids lose this natural ability. As a consequence, what with the lack of swimming pools in our schools, and overly doting parents, most cadets who reach NDA are non swimmers. A lot of effort is invested at the Academy therefore, to teach such cadets swimming. Let me break down the pedagogy for you.
Instructors generally fall under two categories. There are those who patiently and compassionately coax the best out of their pupils via positive reaffirmations. And then those that believe in a scientific training schedule with incremental increases in degree of difficulty. The Instructors at NDA scoff at these namby pamby techniques and form an entirely new category.
The first swimming class begins by segregating the non swimmers into one group. Here the Forces believe in the practical adage that if something needs to be done, it is best to do it quickly. Like pulling off a band aid. Accordingly, forgoing all theories of patience/compassion or scientific training regimes centred around proper body position and alignment, they prefer the quicker alternative of throwing one into the deep end. That, Instructors in their charming simplicity believe, is what will make you a swimmer in no time. The cadet on the other hand, is left questioning all that he was taught about buoyancy and Archimedes in school.
So we have the somewhat comical scene of teenagers gasping and struggling frantically in the deep end, behaving for all purposes, not as a buoyant body that moves horizontally, but an ignorant stone that moves vertically. The Instructor meanwhile, keeps shouting out wholly unhelpful (and unheard) orders such as ‘kick, kick harder, use your hands, breathe, breathe” which to the stones are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. These poor souls are fished out by the disappointed Instructor, like wet ragged dolls, only when he is sure that his exhortations of “kick kick” are not having the desired effect and the cadet is (figuratively) half dead.
The other wholesome trick that Instructors relish is to make cadets do some other absolutely unrelated exercises such as bend stretches or frog jumps around the pool, hoping mysteriously, that these skills will somehow transmogrify the stones into Michael Phelps.
The above were of course ‘official’ classes. Then we have the seniors. Seniors, (bless these selfless souls), love to take on the mantle of Instructors when they come across people who have not passed the swimming test (such failures earn Squadrons negative points in the overall championship table you see). The lack of a pool in the Squadrons is ingeniously circumvented by fetching 2-3 buckets of water from the bathroom and spreading the same onto the tiled floor. And it is this 2 mm of water that is used as a makeshift pool, with the non swimmers slithering around in all sorts of contortions in response to the guidance provided by the seniors. “Yes, move faster, use your hands, kick with both legs, etc.” Cadets who choose the breast stroke manage as well as can be imagined, but those who fancy the ‘free style/crawl’ have a particularly torrid time.
Another inventive gambit used by seniors is to use the peg tables (stools) provided in each cadet’s cabin as a training aid substitute; particularly during the ‘study period’. (1800 – 1930 hrs every day.) This period would see one selfless soul forgo the pleasures of studying and teach another soul swimming (in muftis, with tie, but a swimming costume worn over the trousers, Superman style, to somehow ‘get the feel’). And, by the simple expedient of making him lie on the peg table (of size 18 X 18 inches) on his tummy. You see the beauty of this pose? The hands and legs are free for uninterrupted/unhindered movement! And the senior can get a 360 degree look at the non-swimmer’s posture for critical fault analysis. Thus is spent the entire study period, studying, er….. swimming. Buoyancy not being a factor here, the junior can be seen vigorously swinging his arms and kicking his legs in a very good approximation of an ace swimmer. The added advantage of this rather unique methodology is, (and I also feel its primary appeal for the senior), is that any tendency to slacken can be dealt with easily by a judicious and well-aimed boot on the now easily accessible (and inviting) junior’s posterior. The end of the 90 minutes of study period sees the senior walk away happy at the selfless service rendered. However, it is Life’s general rule that everyone cannot be happy together. The junior thus, while not having added one bit to his swimming abilities, is left with aching limbs and body soreness. Plus, to his chagrin, the junior soon realises on his next trip to the pool, (and after a few gulps of chlorinated water), that swimming on a stool doesn’t make him less of a stone in the pool.
The proof of the pudding lies in its eating however, and the ultimate beauty is that everyone learns swimming. We of course also have the second test – that of jumping from a 7m board. That is another marvelous adventure, but I will come back to that some other day.
Went through all this till the final weeks of my third term. 7 mtrs and 10 mtrs – those I passed much earlier. No doubt I became a paratrooper. What memories bro, what memories.
Thanx Akshay. Will post another one on the 7m jump shortly
🤣🤣🤣 I thought we did a far better job of grooming our juniors than this !!! Some had to be taught even stitching/ sewing a button since they came from Privileged backgrounds !!!
Thank you very much Sir
Outstanding sir… could vividly picturise the scenes..and couldn’t help having a hearty laugh!!!
Looking forward with anticipation to the 7m jump 😃😃😃
Thanx Vikram. Yes, one on the 7m jump coming up !
Very nice article Sir. Really connect with the scenario.
Thanx Anandan. Cheers!
Delightful article reminiscing our crazy NDA days👌😊
Thank you very much Sir. Yes, our NDA days were crazy. And yet fun. Importantly, we survived!
Being a direct entry officer, I seem to have had lesser amount of fun in the Naval Academy as my times there were no seniors used to there as all trainings were just one term.
But thanks for a very vivid and flowing description of NDA days.
Making someone swim is a big art or science effort! As usual big fun to read!
Oh yes Sir! Teaching swimming is as difficult as learning! Thank you
No wonder then that the trip to the swimming pool is as much a part of the itinerary, as is the walk around the Sudan block, for families of officers visiting NDA for the first time . Not withstanding the bewildered frowns on the faces of the kids following their proud dads- “ what’s with a swimming pool?!”, the ritual continues. One must pay one’s respect!
One definitely needs to pay one’s respects. We all have sooo many memories of that 50 m pool.
Excellent penning of hilarious recount of NDA doings. Teenagers are bound to be bountiful in imagination but in NDA this is inacted as well. Rakesh Lage raho Bhai. Regards Sanjay
Excellent penning of hilarious recount of NDA doings. Teenagers are bound to be bountiful in imagination but in NDA this is inacted as well. Rakesh Lage raho Bhai. Regards Sanjay
Thanx a lot! Some aspects of life at NDA are unforgettable! Swimming, horse riding, X country. Lage rahenge. More coming up over time
And meanwhile please read this one….
https://servedfunnysideup.com/2024/04/16/the-exquisite-joys-sorrows-and-pains-of-horse-riding-decoded/
Great sir. Well written
May add the Rolling session for non swimmers on the squadron parade ground, the effects of which may not add to your swimming skills, but does act as a motivator to clear swimming test earliest
Oh yes Pradeep, forgot about that. NDA has some strange ‘ let them eat cake’ logic. The greatest place on earth nevertheless !
Simply hilarious Sir !! Then there is the ‘ floating vertically for three minutes ‘ ….. another interesting survival technique which takes a long time to learn and forever to master, if ever. Looking forward to the 7m board. Regards
Thanx Saxena. One realises wrt floating that remaining stationary is as difficult as moving!
Great one again sir. While I was a swimmer ( 50m type) when I joined but this narrative did bring a smile 😃, and memories of some events that were witnessed in the sqn and the pool, especially the Naval PTI, Dhankar, in the first term at Ghorpuri….
The situation more or less remains the same even now, atleast wrt the swimming pool struggles of cadets, which was witnessed as the Dep Com.🙂
Oh I remember Dhankar Ustaad. I too was a reasonable swimmer. As a matter of fact, unbelievably, had won quite a few medals. I remember once, the Ustaad thought he would give me some dunks. As it so happened, I could turn the tables and give him a few instead! We became good friends thereafter, but his gasping was memorable!!!
Excellent narrative. Very well scripted. Seemed like moving thru the terms at the pace it was. Nice.
Thank you very much! Please have a look at some of my other offerings on URL servedfunnysideup.com
You may find a few interesting. And please share amongst your friends/family if you do. Cheers!
Brought back some wonderful memories from academy days sir. And swimming during pre-winters season in the biting cold of Khadakwasla.
I do wonder why the instructors, at least, couldn’t think of more scientific ways of tacking swimming. But then we wouldn’t have these tales to tell..
By the way , I was your cadet in Lima sqn.
Wonderfully penned.
Thank you Kanwar. Yes, winter days were torture. Especially when waiting in the fall in post shower
Excellent article sir. Humorous and well elucidated.
Thanx Murali
Dear Sir,
Amazing story-telling . Your simple and lucid style made for a refreshing read. Nostalgia floods you when you recollect those golden period when you were polished . Our ordeal started in the Wing at Ghorpuri itself. We were told one afternoon that we were going for a swimming grading test at ASPT centre. It started with the 10 metre jump which most cadets did. The next was the 50 metre swim where I did between 10-15 metres on what I thought was swimming.
The worst part was that we had Chole-Bhature as lunch menu on the afternoons when we had swimming activity, As a weak swimmer, I had to control my gastronomic desires to eat less , lest it affect my swimming performance. Today if I can do 60-100 laps in our Club swimming pool everyday, it’s all due to the lessons I learnt at NDA. The experiences that one goes through everyday at NDA is priceless.
Like somebody mentioned before, the 7 metre board got upgraded to a 10 metre board during our time. A typo in the heading also reminded me of your innate nature of quickly completing your activity, something that I always admired while working under you, and which I could never master .
Let your ink flow…. Waiting to read more…
Lovely TG. Your recollections are even better than mine! And your eye for detail too. Thanx a lot
Lovely !!! 👌👌👌
Ha ha… things have not changed. We still churn out the finest from this academy.
Of course! And good things have not changed.
Lovely recount… Takes one back decades( we are so old😂).. we from B always went to 10 mtr the first morning at 6 AM each semester – just for a jump! Nice start!😂.. from there the pool looked like a match box and over the tree – u felt ur standing level with sinhgarh fort! Being 16710, I always had 16709( ran excellent IAF , now Indigo pilot) ahead and 16729( , now a serving 3 star general), who just refused to take off from the Platform. Each and every term!. And they psyched me, even though I wasn’t all that disinclined( who was!) to jump off!!!😂😂
Lovely! Your recollections are better than mine. Those were the days. Thanx a lot Birender.
One expedient trick seems to have been missed out. In our time we had a Naval PO as swimming ustaad. He had certain umm tendencies which provided enough motivation for non swimmers to learn very quickly… A borderline one like me did not falter even once, on hearing the ‘stories’
Good for you!!!