This post is about Humorous Navy Experiences.
The human ear is a wonderful organ. It allows one to enjoy – music, the lulling sounds of waves and the soothing pitter patter of rain. On the downside – ears tend to take the shape of a cauliflower when mistreated (seen wrestlers?) considerable limiting one’s sex appeal. The blasted piece of cartilage is also overly convenient for parents/teachers to latch onto when attempting to discipline errant kids (not in today’s woke times though).
Now if you’ve paid attention in school, you will know that the ear has the cochlea and canals. However, to avoid making this a lecture on biology, it would suffice to say that ears give us our sense of balance. Occasionally, the ears like playful kittens, go truant – say when we are on a ship that is moving with the waves. The ears sense the movement, but the room, because we move with it, seems steady. This causes a conflict in the inner ear, which triggers the brain to start sending distressed signals to the body – resulting in nausea, vertigo and vomiting – seasickness in short. What about humorous navy experiences you ask? Well, keep reading.
During out initial training at the National Defence Academy, we youngsters were brought to Mumbai for a ‘feel’ of naval life onboard a ship for 3-4 days. A good percentage of us were going to see the sea for the first time in our lives and our excitement levels were naturally, high. I distinctly remember all of us partaking of a heavy breakfast courtesy the excellent cooks on the ship; there were eggs, sausages, baked beans, cutlets, bacon, bread, and cold coffee.
The chatter over breakfast was all about looking forward to the bracing wind on our faces, the taste of salt in the air, the gentle roll of the ship as she crested the waves over the vastness of the Indian Ocean, etc. We were all feeling a little bit like Magellan as he set forth for distant shores. The significance of the fact that this was the month of May when the pre monsoon period makes our seas unpredictable and maybe, even hostile, was lost in the general excitement.
The ship peeled off from the jetty at 0900 hrs and we headed out to the open sea. It took us about 30 minutes to move out of the protected and stable environs of the Mumbai harbour. We chatted animatedly at this novel experience and posed against the magnificent Mumbai skyline. And with 60 min already having lapsed since our breakfast, we were also looking forward to our lunch, which going by the breakfast standards was bound to be good. Little did we know that fate had ordained otherwise.
At about 0930 hrs, the ship now being clear of the protective harbour, started moving gently with the waves. This increased the excitement and animation levels amongst us – for about ten minutes. I guess the ears takes that long to prove that life is not all song and dance. The gentle movement of the ship soon morphed into a not so gentle one, followed shortly again by some violent bucking and yawing; akin to a particularly antsy camel. The excitement levels amongst us started falling dramatically and by 0940 hrs most of us had lost interest in the Mumbai skyline; replaced with a distinct uneasiness. By 0945 hrs many of us had replaced the look of uneasiness with a decidedly ghastly one. 0950 hrs saw the first one of us suddenly heave and out came the eggs, sausages, baked beans, cutlets, bacon, bread, and cold coffee, still not fully digested. Needless to say, that knocked all humour out of our humorous navy experiences.
Now I don’t remember whether it was the effect of the movement of the ship, or the sight of the still undigested breakfast, but it set off a chain reaction of competitive upchucking. The entire area where we had assembled so joyously just a few minutes ago was, by 1015 hrs, a post war scene from a B Grade movie. Some were doubled up and retching violently. Some others were holding onto the ‘vomit’ buckets that the ship’s staff had placed so considerately for us all over the ship, for dear life.
The Navy takes its grub very seriously and a break for ‘stand easy’ (translated as tea/biscuits/sandwiches) was announced at 1030 hrs. However, for most of us by now, the very sight/thought of ‘food’ was enough to send us into another paroxysm of retching; diving even deeper into the thoughtfully provided buckets referred to earlier. The sandwiches, left untouched, looked at us accusingly.
By 1100 hrs most of the wretched souls were quite sure that death was nigh. Most fervently resolved to forget the Navy and opt for the Army as soon as, and if by any miracle, we were able to reach the safety of the shore. Quite obviously, the lunch suffered the same fate as the sandwiches.
Thus began our initiation into the Navy. What about me you ask? Well ordinarily, I was one of those lucky ones who was not overly affected by seasickness. Or so I thought. It so happened that I was sent on a temporary attachment to another ship in the middle of August (again mid monsoon) for about a week’s deployment as a young Lieutenant. Now different ships have different attitudes towards rough seas. Some roll gently, some not so gently, some buck, some act skittish, some yaw, some jump – you get it. Well, this ship was one of those that never believed in half measures, so it went for a combination of roll, buck, yaw and jump. Resultantly, my stomach started getting queasy pretty soon. However, by the aid of continuously licking a lemon (you must try it the next time you feel nauseous) I was able to steel myself and continue with my duties. Destiney however, manifests itself in many forms. In my case it took the form of Krishan Kumar.
I was on duty on the ‘bridge’ (the place where the ship is controlled from) with Krishan Kumar as my assistant. While I, as alluded to earlier, was feeling a bit queasy, Krishan Kumar had the air of one who has just eaten a particularly rotten, rotten egg. At an inauspicious moment in time, I was standing looking out towards the horizon with Krishan Kumar standing behind me. I suddenly heard a loud gurgling sound and then felt something wet over my uniform. It turned out that the ‘something wet’ was the entire contents of Krishan Kumar’s tummy. That really set me off. The rest of the two hours of my ‘watch’ were spent with me and Krishan Kumar, tenaciously wrestling over ownership of the single bucket kept on the bridge.
As expected, I went on a new diet where you eat nothing and hope for a miracle. Miraculously, survive I did. The Navy tends to feel (as with any military service), that additional drill or manual labour is the best antidote for any ailment and is particularly suited for those feeling seasick. However, from that experience onwards I developed a deep admiration for the heroism exhibited by the Krishan Kumars, in carrying out their duties in service of the motherland.
Krishan Kumars of our Navy are easy to spot. Their face starts resembling a sad puppy a day before the scheduled sailing. Warships generally prepare for a deployment by announcing ‘action’ about two hours prior the scheduled time of cast off. These two hours are used to check all systems onboard. For the Krishan Kumars however, this announcement is an invitation to find a bucket and latch onto it like one possessed.
And what about the feel of the bracing wind on the face and taste of salt in the air? To hell with Magellan, I say.
PS – For some more humorous navy experiences, please clink any of the links below:-
Never Volunteer in the Military: Hilarious Lessons via Dinners/NDA
Unexpected surprise in the Navy ; Cars to Messes to Lungis
Navy Humour Stories. Ah! The Sights and Smells of the Sea! – Laughter is Life
Wow! Really well written, yes during the first trip to sea in the Durg class, my Hunter ego was not sufficient enough to counter the inevitable ejection of the stomach contents after the well described breakfast
Didn’t most of us have to leave our ego! And yet we all survived!!
Very well articulated and reminds me of my first sea sortie onboard INS Gaj in 1982 , off Kochi. It’s a treat to read your articles Dahiya .
Thank you Sir. Oh yes Gaj. Must have surely been interesting
That’s as usual another lovely piece of what can only be felt and difficult to describe. The greatness about Rakesh is the detailing and the unseen nuances related to the main subject.
Now, the scene is worse in a sub till you dive. Because of the enclosed shell which is tossing and turning with the waves the effect is more pronounced and coz of close vicinity of the crew and limited wash basins it’s a murky affair. Once you dive you are good and can be sane again.
Thank you Sir. Yes, I’ve heard about the travails of the submariners.
Hi Fi reportage Dahiya, I can vividly recall that fateful day and some others as well. Sea sickness hits all and salute to all of us naval dopes who learn to continue with their duties unperturbed by the odd or regular ‘outpouring’ of gut contents. It is here that our steel comes out …puke-post-puke-post! It almost becomes like sneezing , damn ENT docs still kind a fix that doesn’t put you to sleep! I recall a really trying long day onboard a minesweeper stuck on the quarterdeck in heavy seas and trying to recover sweeps. Of course some develop their sea legs early and some others join the s/m arm!
I don’t understand why modern medicine, despite all its advances, hasn’t been able to find a cure.
And yet we all survived, and thrived!!
Nicely written sir. The first sea sortie on TS1 brings the high and mighty sixth termers to Mother Earth exceedingly fast. 😀
Memorable times those. Quick transition from sixth termer to the lowest form of marine life too!
Once again you’ve aced it. I really do enjoy reading your little anecdotes.
Reminds me of my times on Katchall, Vijaydurg and Androth. On Petyas after 10 days at sea, nobody had bathed or shaved and the whole ship smelled of diesel and puke. But they were great ships with great crews. The big ships like Gomati and Mysore that I served on were not half as much fun.
Thanx a lot Sadashiv. Petyas, the greatest! And now that you’ve mentioned them, pl allow me to direct you to an earlier piece …….
https://servedfunnysideup.com/2023/12/14/movie-for-the-commanding-officer-a-fraught-mission-indeed/
As a young girl I, like many others, I idealised the officers in the Indian Navy. The US Marines figured much later!! The Naval uniform having triggered off this hero worship. It’s only after reading this interesting article of yours —-(rank?) Mr. Dahiya , that I realised that this smart outfit can be a tough call when the real action starts !
Thank you for a most interesting and well written, down to earth ( or down in the deep sea?!!) piece.
As an Army daughter, sister, wife ++ I wanted to phone my friends in the Indian Navy and get rid of other lurking illusions! Also rib them about their experiences.
Haha!! Thank you ma’am. Yup, the Army is great, but we the silent service, have our own quirks! Please check up my other posts at servedfunnysideup.com
Not all of them are Navy related of course, but you may find the ones about NDA, interesting.
Warmest regards
Certain flotsam and jetsam visuals flashed past. Having served on an LST and carried live stock to the islands I can tell you that after some time even a goat under goes metamorphosis into a sick looking ogre. And the rounds of the hold are a challenging task.
Ok that must have been terrible!
Very well articulated facts about sea sickness which we all have witnessed through out our lives at sea. Sea and action part reminds me of few of our coursemates who use to hit the bunks when sailing order was put on notice board onboard our training ship Beas. And how can we forget about post cyclone sailing from Vizag to Chennai on Tir and Beas when most of our mates were thinking whether they would be lucky enough to witness Sun rise next day while few sea tigers binged on Chicken masala that evening to their heart- full.
Thanx Ashish. Oh yes, I distinctly remember that voyage. The whole ship had that ‘quaint’ smell!