Life is difficult.  Not as much as Resurrection though

One of the favourite questions that judges put up to beauty contestants is, “who do you admire the most and why.” Now most contestants having been well trained by their respective mentors answer this question correctly. Correctly because they, like everyone else, knows that there are only two sure shot winning answers – ‘My Mother’, or ‘Mother Teresa’ (also known as Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu). The reasons offered are also fairly straightforward and one can mix and match easily from amongst words such as compassion, love, moral rectitude, selflessness, kindness, character, etc etc.

Unfortunately, as life never bestowed me with the right arrangement of golgi bodies on my face to look beautiful, I never got a chance to participate in such contests. My being male is another impediment. Consequently, no one ever posed this question to me. But assume for a second that there I was, standing in the final round with Ms Malta and Ms Papua New Guinea, all three of us full of nervous expectation, and this question was slipped to me. Well, my unequivocal, and even though I’m saying it myself, winning answer would be, Mr Lal Bihari.

Did I hear you say ‘Eh?’  Okay let me tell you why Mr Lal Bihari. Once I’ve completed my reasoning, I am sure you will have no option other than to add his name alongside “My Mother” and “Mother Teresa” to the list of most admired people. His is a story of the perseverance of Rahul Dravid, patience that would put His Holiness, the Dalai lama to shame and grit of the highest order; might as well add compassion and ingenuity too.

Mr Lal Bihari was born in 1955 in Khalilabad, Azamgarh, Uttar Pradesh. At some point in time, the gentleman, just like most of us, needed a loan. He approached a bank who directed him to get certain certificates for the paper work. Accordingly, he had to approach the Tehsildar’s office for said documentation. The Tehsildar office clerk picked up some files, dusted the cobwebs, peered into the paper work and then said to Mr Lal Bihari – “No can do, you have been dead since 30^th July 1976”. Most of us would take umbrage at being declared dead without consultation and Mr Lal Bihari was no different. He protested and pointed to his body standing upright right before the clerk. But the clerk, confident as he was in his paper work which clearly stated in black and white that he was dead, refused to accept this as proof enough.

A lesser man would have been perplexed, but not Mr Lal Bihari. The desire to being declared undead burned deeply in his mind and he therefore, decided to take matters into his own hands and set right what he supposed was a minor clerical error. Thus began Mr Lal Bihari’s quest to cut through the tangle of the Indian bureaucracy. It took him not one, not five, but eighteen years to do so! Perseverance? Check. Patience? Check. Apparently, one of his relatives had bribed the record keepers at the Tehsildar’s office to declare him dead so that they could usurp his land. Once Mr Lal Bihari came to know that it was not a minor clerical error, he thought it would be an easy matter to resolve with a simple complaint at the right forum. He, perhaps naively,  pleaded at first, then argued, then tore his hair out; but the ‘system’ was resolute in its mule headedness. He came to know soon enough that the power of the written word, (in black and white mind you) is all overpowering and logic can scarcely compete with it in the corridors of our bureaucracy.

Seeing his case seeking to be declared alive meander through our ‘system’ with little progress for many years, Mr Lal Bihari contemplated long and hard on what would convince the powers that be, of his existence. Having contemplated, he chalked out his plan and put it into action as listed below (not in any chronological order)

Step 1. He kidnapped his nephew and sent the nephew’s shirt soaked in animal blood to the kid’s father. He was convinced that his relatives (and police) would have no option other than to declare him alive as the dead can scarcely be kidnappers. No luck. The relatives refused to file a case and the police discerning his real motive, did not want to go anywhere closer than a mile from him.

Step 2. He applied for widow’s pension for his wife, assuming that the ‘system’ would be forced to acknowledge its mistake and give him his life back. No luck.

Step 3. He added the name Mritak (the dead) to his name and then founded an association called the ‘Mritak Sangh’ (Association of the Living Dead). I guess this was a non starter as he could not enrol, understandably, a single additional member. However, as shown later, he did help other ‘living dead’ persons.

Step 4. He got himself a visitor pass for the UP Assembly and while the Assembly was in session with our Honourable MLAs discussing weighty matters of the state, he stood up and shouted “Mujhe Zinda Karo” (make me alive). This heroic act however was not recognised as such by the startled MLAs and he was peremptorily thrown out of the Assembly. He even tried to bribe the security guys to register a case against him, convinced as he was that the system would recognise him as alive, but they unhelpfully, declined.

Step 5. He fought the Lok Sabha elections in 1988 against Mr VP Singh and promptly lost.

Step 6. Undeterred, he filed nomination papers in 1989 for the Amethi Lok Sabha seat against Mr Rajiv Gandhi and then sought countermanding of the election as he was dead. Dead end again.

While all the above steps did not yield the desired outcome, you will agree with me that ingenuity and grit can both be checked! Moreover, he did start getting noticed and written about. Finally, recognising the lunacy of the entire case, the ‘system’ resurrected him in 1994.

What about compassion you ask? Well having been resurrected, Mr Lal Bihari did not rest on his haunches. No Sir. He came to know through his long ordeal that there were many other sufferers like him. Those who know law may also know that a dead man cannot own land. Hence getting a person declared ‘dead’ is quite a scam in India. So, he selflessly started assisting other such ‘declared dead’ people. He claims he has helped hundreds. Compassion? Check.

Not that the trials and tribulations that life has sent his way have made Mr Lal Bihari a dour man. He still retains a sense of black humour. For one, even decades after being resurrected, he still celebrates his ‘re-birthday’ with an elaborate cake amongst friends. The cake is specially designed by him as icing on cardboard.  Hollow, he tells us, just like our justice system.

Please ping me if you are not convinced that my answer would have trumped anything that Ms Malta or Ms Papua New Guinea could have offered!