Humour in Uniform. Want to Avoid Peril? Go for a Movie! Else Build Character!

Please allow me to hark back to my training days at the National Defence Academy. The Academy, in its attempt to lighten our days full of rigorous training, screened two movies a week. This post relates to one such day during my second term wherein skipping a movie resulted in some painful lessons in character building.

Movie for the day – Sagar. Remember that superhit comeback movie of Dimple Kapadia? Yes, that one. Confident that the whole Academy would be going to see Dimple, my coursemate, let’s just call him Cadet CM, and Cadet Self – decided that this was the day we could skip the movie and loaf around. So, refreshments in the shape of samosas and gulab jamuns were procured and smuggled into the cabin beforehand. We would eat later in peace, we told ourselves.

Enter Cadet BSR

Sure enough, our whole Squadron of 125 cadets went off for the movie except (or so we erroneously thought), the two of us. We retired to the cabin looking forward to a feast for the tummy and solitude for the soul. At the fateful time of 1800 hrs however, and while the third samosa was enroute to the alimentary canal, the door opened, and lo and behold! we perceived the dreaded sixth termer, Cadet BSR at the door.

Samosas remained mid-air for what seemed like eternity cause we, like rabbits caught in headlights, froze. And I’ll tell you why. This Cadet BSR, was one of those gentlemen whose sole aim in life seemed to be to strengthen the character and moral fibre of juniors. He took great pains to do so, not via moral lectures or philosophical quotes as one would expect, but strangely, via making us juniors do PT. He had this strange conviction that strenuous physical stress moulded the brain. No time of the day, be it post-midnight at 0100 hrs or early dawn at 0300 hrs was inappropriate for this character building fascination.  

Cadet BSR (all courteous and friendly), enquired – “Didn’t go for the movie?”.

I continued to be a frozen rabbit as my vocal chords chose that very moment to launch a non-cooperation movement that Gandhiji would have been proud of.  But Cadet CM was made of sterner stuff and somehow managed to squeak.  “No Sir” he said “we don’t enjoy movies much” (Samosa still mid-air but the rest of the body in ramrod straight saavdhan)

Cadet BSR – “Good, good, bloody waste of time these movies. Decadent and pure chaff. Come on, let’s go and do some character building. Change to PT rig and meet me near the Squadron main door in two minutes”.

Now, we had no intention of building our character, aware as we were, of the peculiar methodology that Cadet BSR was fond of. But can anyone argue with a particularly fearsome avatar of Attila? So, PT rig it was and we presented ourselves at the afore mentioned RV point.

And Thus Started Some Character Building

Thereafter from about 1815 hrs to 2100 hrs, Cadet CM and Cadet Self, built up our character and mental fortitude via rope climbing, push-ups, sprints, front rolls, frog jumps, star jumps, etc etc. Any tendency to slacken was dealt with by the ever-alert Cadet BSR with a judicious well aimed kick to the butt. I must point out however, that Cadet BSR to his credit, did each exercise with us. But then, he was a sixth termer at the peak of his physical fitness and we were mere second termers with a barely discernible half a muscle each, in our respective biceps. Resultantly, while we were sweating profusely and our knees had started wobbling precariously, he was fresh as a daisy.

By 2100 hrs the Samosas were well digested and some muscles that I didn’t know I had, had started protesting like hell. Whether it resulted in character building remained debatable. To further give the devil his due, he kept on a monologue on the benefits of each ‘exercise’ he was making us do and how it aided in building our character; always in a solicitous brotherly tone. This monologue used to get especially long while doing push ups, when he would count ‘down’ and then forget to count ‘up’, caught up in as was his wont, in his oratory.

Cadet BSR was also an all-rounder. While his favourite topic was character building, he could also indulge in small talk. It is just that there are occasions when one fancies small talk, and occasions when one does not. Small talk over samosas and gulab jamuns is for example, ok. He unfortunately, was most inclined to start small talk at the top of the rope some 20 feet above the ground. “Tell me about your family” he would ask genially at precisely the moment when we were hanging on for dear life with blisters starting to break out in our palms.

Finally, dinner time being nigh, Cadet BSR, deigned it fit to let us go for dinner. But perhaps not fully satisfied with the way our character had shaped up over the previous three hours, he left us with this parting gem – “let’s meet again next movie day, in case you aren’t going for it”

Character Built

I’m sure you won’t be surprised to note that, thereafter, me and Cadet CM would be the first two guys in the movie hall. We saw movies that even the greatest of movie buffs avoided. We saw movies where the attendance was not even 10%. And I will have to check with Cadet CM, but I have a hazy recollection of seeing a movie where we were the only two patrons.

And what about character building? I seem to have turned out ok.